Being The Baby

posted in The Baby on by with No Comments

From what I can tell, being The Baby is awesome. Given her bouncy-burbly enthusiasm for regular everyday happenings, this is how awesome it is to be The Baby:

Thing that happens:
Mommy holds up a book with a picture of a real baby on the cover.

What The Baby thinks:
HOLY CRAP!!! THAT IS A REAL BABY! I LOVE THAT BABY WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!

Thing that happens:
Mommy starts reading the book, and it’s the kind with flaps to lift up. Mommy says “Peek-a-boo!” every time she lifts a flap.

What The Baby thinks:
OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!! WHAT IS UNDER THE FLAP?!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT’S ANOTHER REAL BABY!!! THIS BOOK IS SO AMAZING AND COOL!!!

Thing that happens:
Captain Chaos approaches The Baby who is bobbling away in her exersaucer. She is smiling and doing regular Chaos-y things, like jamming a plastic ear of corn into her pocket, singing the ABC’s and slowly combing her hair with a little toy fork all at the same time. She moves in to hug and kiss The Baby.

What The Baby thinks:
YES! MY SISTER! MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! I WANT TO PUT GOO ALL OVER YOUR FACE WITH MY WIDE OPEN MOUTH!

Thing that happens:
The Enforcer approaches The Baby in her exersaucer, with a look of grim determination. She is going to hug and kiss The Baby like it’s her job.

What The Baby thinks:
YES! MY SISTER! MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! I WANT TO PUT GOO ALL OVER YOUR FACE WITH MY WIDE OPEN MOUTH!

Thing that happens:
The Baby gets a fistful of Mommy’s hair and pulls. Hard.

What The Baby thinks:
Whoa. Things just got serious up in here.

I am never letting go of this hair. Good thing my fingers are all wet and gross so the hair can never, ever come out. And I’m gonna pull on this stuff like there’s no tomorrow. You can try to untangle it, Mommy, but your efforts will be in vain. I am The Baby, and I WILL WIN.

"Five stars!!!  This book will blow your mind!  There are peek-a-boo flaps, people, and I just dare you to lift those crazy-awesome flaps with a straight face.  To say that this book is a page-turner is a HUGE understatement.  Huge." -- The Baby

“Five stars!!! This book will blow your mind! There are peek-a-boo flaps, people, and I just dare you to lift those crazy-flappy little suckers with a straight face. To say that this book is a page-turner is a HUGE understatement. Huge.” — Excerpt from “Most Helpful Positive Review” by The Baby

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestEmail this to someone