I do my best thinking when I’m alone. Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I am rarely alone, so go ahead and make your own conclusions about the quality of my thinking. The shower though, ah, the shower. The solitude, the white noise of the water, and the mindlessness of washing and shampooing create the perfect atmosphere for thinking. I have, on many occasions, come up with some good ideas in the shower. Or at least managed to organize my thoughts so that something I was worried about becomes more manageable.
When I’m really feeling overwhelmed though, when I haven’t had a break from the kids in AGES, and when I haven’t been outside in AGES because of snow, subzero temperatures, and even more snow, well, then my shower thinking kind of goes downhill. I still do some thinking, but it is not, by any standards, my best.
There is, however, a silver lining! The directions my thoughts took in the shower the other day were epically ridiculous, so I jotted them down as soon as I got out. For your entertainment. I didn’t come up with an idea for The Great American Novel, or even figure out what to make for dinner that night, but these are the things that came to me while I was in the shower:
1. The French word for “honey.” It’s miel. I had been trying to remember it because I’m reading this book that takes place in France…and it mentions bees…oh never mind. You don’t care.
2. You know what would basically update the entire decor of my house and make it look a little more 2015 around here? Orange fucking throw pillows. With some kind of trendy geometric/chevron/ikat (why do I even know that word?) designs on them. Those would look so great. I should get some. Immediately.
3. I feel like Amy Poehler is the Lucille Ball of our generation. Do you think anyone’s ever told her that before? I should tell her. Can you just email Amy Poehler, do you think? I’ll have to look into that. She and Tina Fey could dress up like Lucy and Ethel for some event or whatever. Oh my god I think I’m really onto something here! Something totally original that I’m sure no one else could have thought of!
4. Should I try orange nail polish too, or is that too much? Orange curtains? Orange pants? Maybe just placemats. Yeah – orange throw pillows and orange placemats would do wonders for this place.
5. It smells like pee in here. What the hell? Oh right. The twins left their pull-ups from last night in the bathroom trash. I need to get them to stop doing that. They’re probably too old to be wearing pull-ups to bed anyway. How old is too old to wear pull-ups to bed? I bet Gwyneth Paltrow knows. She knows everything. Her kids’ precious little bottoms were probably too good for pull-ups and I bet she put them in handmade organic banana-leaf-and-hemp sacks when they were little. Still, I could ask her. Can you just email Gwyneth Paltrow, do you think?
6. I love my new haircut, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the weird feeling of squeezing out the water where it’s shorter in back. It’s like squeeze, squeeze, squ – oops! No more hair! Just clenching my fists together behind my head for no reason! I also need to remember not to use so much conditioner. I wonder how much money I’ll save on conditioner with a shorter hairstyle?
7. The idea for this very post. Wow, right?
So there you have it. A completely ridiculous shower-thinking session. Am I going stir-crazy? Probably. Is my lack of fresh air and vitamin D turning my brain to mush? Most likely. But at least you can laugh along
at with me.