Fake Eyelashes: Enough is Enough

posted in Celebrities, Mom Fashion, Trashy TV on by with 29 Replies

Dear All the Ladies on TV:

Can we stop with the fake eyelashes already?

eyelashes

For the love of all that is holy, please just stop it.

It’s at the point now that regular eyelashes are starting to look weird.  Like, a perfectly beautiful woman could be on TV, but you’d be distracted, thinking to yourself, “Huh.  What is it about her that looks so weird?  She has a nice smile.  And her hair is lovely.  Is it too much Botox?  Nope.  Is she wearing pink lipstick that makes her teeth look yellow even though they’re obviously not because why would you go on TV with yellow teeth?  Nope.  It’s not that either.”

OH!  WAIT!  I KNOW WHAT IT IS!

Her eyelashes aren’t whacking her in the forehead every time she blinks!  They don’t waggle around on her face like one of those giant Vegas showgirl fans!  She’s actually on TV with REGULAR eyelashes!

I know that there is so much that is fake, or misleading, or unnatural about the way women are portrayed on television, in magazines, and all over the media in general.  It’s actually a huge problem that deserves serious discussion, but that’s too overwhelming for me right now.  Today, I’m choosing to focus on one small (and yet startlingly long and lustrous) problem with pop culture because you have to start somewhere, right?

Doesn’t it seem like fake eyelashes should be reserved for a really special occasion?  Take my favorite line of reality programming, The Real Housewives of Wherever the Hell, for example.  Almost every single one of them wears fake eyelashes ANYTIME A CAMERA IS ROLLING.  Not just on a wedding day.  Not just to attend some kind of gala or fundraiser or black tie event.  No.  Those ladies have wacky black tentacles glued to their eyelids when they go to the gym, the airport, a playdate at a friend’s McMansion, even a freaking pool party.  Where they don’t really swim, or get wet, obviously, because something gross would happen to their eyes.

I mean, come on.  That hair and makeup must have taken hours.  There's no way she's getting in the pool.

I mean, come on. That hair and makeup must have taken hours. There’s no way she’s getting in the pool.

I guess I should expect this kind of over-the-top cosmetic enhancement from a bunch of ladies on a show whose whole point is being over-the-top.  Okay fine.  But now actresses on regular shows wear them all the time.  And talk show hosts.  And news reporters.  AND I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  It’s just weird!!  Doesn’t it bother them to have those things on all the damn time?  Don’t their eyes get tired?  And when they’re not wearing them (whenever that is) don’t they feel like their eyes look naked?

Maybe I’m extra sensitive about this because I myself have seriously shitty eyelashes.  Mascara has always been a good friend to me.  I’m fine with wearing makeup.  I’m just not fine with mascara no longer being enough.  I would suck at fake eyelashes.  I would be like Lucille Ball in Yours, Mine, and Ours.

If you've never seen this movie, you should check it out.  Lucille Ball is da bomb.

If you’ve never seen this movie, you should check it out. Lucille Ball is da bomb.

So anyway, ladies, can we please collectively agree that fake eyelashes SUCK?  That they were for sure invented by a man who knew that he would never have to wear them himself?  Because they’re ruining eyes for everyone.  You know how these things work.  It’s a trickle-down effect.  The masses will start wearing them (in fact, they already have, because you can buy them pretty much everywhere) and I’ll be damned if I’m going to pick up a set for myself along with milk and diapers next time I’m at the grocery store, or god forbid, for my daughters when they turn into tweens.  No.  Just no.

Thankyouverymuch,

A Concerned Citizen

 

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  • Jenni

    Amazon just recommended fake eyelashes to me and it hurt my self esteem for a minute but then I thought “No amazon I am better then owning multiple pairs of fake eyelashes!! Thank you but no thank you!”

    • ShakespearesMom

      Haha! You look plenty fabulous without Amazon’s silly recommendations, Jenni! Mascara is enough. For reals.

  • Joy @ Comfytown

    I’ve never tried them, but I always have wanted to. I know NOTHING about fashion, but I’m like ‘Well, my eyes and forehead never look fat, let’s draw all the attention THERE! I don’t know how to do eyeshadow, it always looks like I was just bare-knuckle boxing, so I figure…..longer lashes?? Since I couldn’t even handle contact lenses (they literally JUMPED out of my watery eyes!) I am a little bit afraid. I’m down with your plan!

    • ShakespearesMom

      I’ve always kind of wanted to try them too, but I’m scared. I feel like it would be a bad decision and somehow just make me look worse.

  • Michelle @ Juicebox Confession

    It is super crazy. Couldn’t agree with you more. Fake tans, fake boobs, fake teeth, fake hair, fake eyelashes. What’s next? Thanks for keeping it real. 😉

    • ShakespearesMom

      What’s next, indeed! I can’t really think of anything that hasn’t been faked up already, but I’m sure someone out there will come up with something. And then the Kardashians will be all over it. Thanks for reading!

  • Mack N. Cheese

    i buy fake eyelashes all the time because i always think i’m going to wear them for a big party or whatever, but then an hour before i am supposed to be ready i look at the eyelashes and the glue and the eyelash-putter-onner thingy and i’m like, F that!

    • ShakespearesMom

      Wait, there’s an eyelash-putter-onner thingy? Now I know for sure there’s no way I’ll ever be able to handle fake eyelashes. I would definitely hurt myself.

  • Kelly Fox

    I put fake eyelashes on once for a Mad Men-themed party. Never, EVER again. I’m totally on your side here.

    • ShakespearesMom

      Thanks!! I bet they looked cool for your Mad Men party though.

  • One Funny Motha

    As with most things in fashion, they must have been invented by men. And, no, I never plan to wear them. They are stupid.

    • ShakespearesMom

      Right? Just so silly.

  • Rebecca Erwin

    TOTALLY agree!! They are only useful at Halloween.

    • ShakespearesMom

      Yes. Halloween is the perfect time for crazy eyelashes.

  • http://www.FranticMama.blogspot.com/ Frantic Mama

    Hahaha! You always make me laugh. I really dislike how so many famous people alter their appearance– I worry about my daughter trying to live up to all of it as she grows. Natural is beautiful!

    • ShakespearesMom

      Thank you! So glad I can make you laugh. It is a daunting thing with daughters, isn’t it?

  • http://twitter.com/#!/pattyaizaga Patty

    This is too funny! I just started wearing them for special occasions. For me they are fun to play with. Would never wear them for every day – ain’t no body got time for that! LOL

    • ShakespearesMom

      I really don’t have anything against them for special occasions. I’m pretty sure I’d make a mess of it if I tried, but if you can do it, more power to you! Thanks for reading!

  • http://sandysandmeyer.wordpress.com/ Sandy

    I have a coworker that wears false eyelashes while she sits in her office, alone, all day. Who is she trying to impress? I think that they look ridiculous. I just don’t get this fad.

  • http://www.seraheshoes.com/ Serahe

    bwahahaha omg! THANK YOU for posting this!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot figure out why women would take this much time and effort on their makeup daily!! that’s insane to me.. MAYBE on a special occasion, but that’s it. 🙂

  • themommyfiles

    LOL – this was such a funny post. I’m getting married in a year and everyone is trying to convince to wear fake eyelashes for the wedding. I don’t like anything near my eye and I’m the only one that normally ever does my eye makeup. What to do, what to do. LOL #SITSBlogging

  • getoveryourself

    oh my god shut up what if they WANT to wear them
    i love my falsies i dont care if other people like them
    you know sometimes girls do things for THEMSELVES not YOU or the people around them. just because YOU think they’re ugly doesn’t mean you have some sort of holy right to tell girls they shouldn’t wear them.
    don’t like them? don’t wear them. shut up girls get picked on for everything all the fricking time by men and OTHER girls all the time. false eyelashes? wear them you suck, don’t wear them you also suck. dress modestly but then you’re a prude, dress skimpy you’re a slut, dress masculine you’re a dike dress girly you’re perpetuating stereotypes.
    god if they like it LET THEM. just because you suck at makeup and are all sad that you’re probably saggy and like 50 doesn’t mean you need to shame girls for doing something they like. How about we all collectively agree that shaming girls for their choices SUCKS more than a pair of cheap fucking eyelashes that, despite what you’re saying here, is pretty much just majorly worn by celebrities. people who get bullied for looking like an average person, so can you BLAME them for putting more effort into appearance than non-celebrities? I doubt youve ever been outside because i’ve legitimately never seen someone wear them in average settings.
    god it’s women like you who just further this societies negative impact on girls. just as much so as those celebrities because you’re still shaming them for something they’re doing.

    • ShakespearesMom

      You’re right. I’ve never been outside.

      • Christina

        I think if I buy some and walk around the house I might actually get some dusting done.

      • http://www.ComfyTownChronicles.com Joy @ Comfytown

        hahahahaha, so THAT is your secret to kicking so much blogger butt.
        OMG that comment was the most funny thing I’ve read in awhile….since this POST, I mean. People are funny.

    • Darg Varg

      You get the hell over YOURSELF and go away if other peoples opinions on the internet make you wet your pants like a sulking schoolgirl.

  • Ali Browning

    can’t stand them and don’t have the co ordination for them, I am bored of the look of fake eye lashes, black eye liner and fake tan. yawn. Time for something new.

  • JayaLove

    God I so totally agree! One thing to consider is they also might have eyelash implants! Talk about weird!! But it seems to be one of those things now, just like fake nails or hair color or shaving your puss… Just one of those things women are expected to keep up with, fooking eyelash implants!

  • Dizzy

    I agree ! I mean even having beautiful long natural lashes that SUIT your eyes is not enough because you look so naked compared to everyone with their fake lash and tons of mascara . I reject this trend so hard that I ditched mascara too , it made my eyes itch , it has plenty of chemicals in it that get in your eye and eyeliner SOMETIMES around the eye when I feel like it is enough to make them pop . I mean if I were to put fake lashes on my pale ass face they would pop out so hard that it might hit someone in the face. Just NO . And have you noticed they wear them thinly sometimes , you can´t even tell why there´s extra sass when she blinks . It´s ruining everyone´s perception of beauty , the whole thing going on on tv.. I don´t have a tv in my room since 4 years ago so I don´t get annoyed at this bs.